I have been thinking about updating this but I don't really have anything to say. I have done some stuff in the last few months, mostly those boring day-to-day things that I write about on my livejournal. I have been in therapy for two years now and I am pretty much done. Today is expected to be my last scheduled appointment and I am pretty happy with that. I can deal with my unhealthy thoughts on my own and so I never get that huge ball of angst inside me that would prompt me to write posts on this site. I figured now would be as good of a time as any to review my life.
I have been thinking a lot about dating, marriage and babies. I haven't dated since I started therapy, not that I dated a lot before that. In my past relationships I haven't felt comfortable enough to be myself, it doesn't help that I have a habit of getting into long distance relationships so the person I am involved with is never really in my life. A couple of months ago I started to examine my patterns and I came to the realization that I was trying to recreate a specific relationship I had years ago. I still had feelings for that person so I would be attracted to men that reminded me of him. I would then try to be the person that I thought he would like. The problem with this is that none of these men were the man I wanted so my attempts to be someone I wasn't was lost on them. About a month ago I finally just decided to go to the source and tell him my feelings, which I knew weren't returned. It was hard for me, there were tears and some unexpected drama from my sister but I finally feel like I am in a place where I want to move on. Wanting to change is the secret to changing.
Right now I don't know what I want to do. I could date but I don't seem to be able to get enough interest in it. I am still the same person I have been so I don't want to just settle, get married and move to the suburbs. That really wouldn't be me. Still, I do want to have children which would be much easier if I didn't do it alone. Then again much in life would be easier if I didn't do it alone and that has never stopped me. So I have plans in the making and maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised to meet someone that not only wants to be a part of my plans, but who I want to share them with. Also, before you start worrying about me, I am not going to go get knocked up tomorrow, I am thinking that I'll have things set up for this in two or three years.
In other news, I am going to South Korea in May for two week. Serinia and I are going to see where she was stationed and to see her friend get married. We are both really excited about this. This will be my first visit to Asia, which means I still have four continents to go. I think I need to learn to accept that I can't actually see the whole world, so I need to be happy with as much as it as I can get to on two weeks a year and save up for a round the world trip when I retire.
Spring Cleaning - April 22, 2008
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Fremont - December 17, 2007
A couple weeks ago my cat Fremont passed away. It was shocking and sudden and while I am not overwhelmingly depressed about it, I do find myself really down about it at time. Like right now because all I want to do is cuddle with him.
I got Fremont as a kitten in 1998. I went to a farm in the middle of nowhere right after I moved out of my parents house and picked him, along with his sister Cocoa, up. Cocoa was Heather and Jenni's, who lived upstairs from me. That first year it was just me and Fremont in a big bottom floor duplex. I would leave the TV on to keep him company and he would follow me around everywhere. Everyday when I came home I was greeted with this loud meow.
A year later, in July of 1999, we moved into my condo. Since Fremont was so lonely, I decided to get him a friend. Emerson and Fremont were buddies but Fremont was always much more of an explorer than Emerson will ever be. Fremont loved going outside when he could, even escaping in the February of 2004 through three doors to get outside. For three days I look everywhere for him only to have him come bounding up to me ready to go back inside.
The fall of 2004 Harriet joined our household. She was always much more Emerson's kitten than Fremont's. I think she annoyed him with her constant need for attention. However, he would clean her and play with her at times.
Fremont's last days were a pretty sudden decline. It turns out he had a bad heart. The last trip to the vet, which I didn't know was the last trip, he tried to fight his way out of my arms to play in the snow. Then, on the car ride, he sat in my lap looking out the window purring. He was so happy to see what was going on and he kept trying to stick his face in mine which he always did when I was upset.
In other news, I am pretty much just writing on livejournal because it is just easier. There is a lot more than what you can see if you aren't my "friend". If you make an a friend me there, I'll friend you back.
I got Fremont as a kitten in 1998. I went to a farm in the middle of nowhere right after I moved out of my parents house and picked him, along with his sister Cocoa, up. Cocoa was Heather and Jenni's, who lived upstairs from me. That first year it was just me and Fremont in a big bottom floor duplex. I would leave the TV on to keep him company and he would follow me around everywhere. Everyday when I came home I was greeted with this loud meow.
A year later, in July of 1999, we moved into my condo. Since Fremont was so lonely, I decided to get him a friend. Emerson and Fremont were buddies but Fremont was always much more of an explorer than Emerson will ever be. Fremont loved going outside when he could, even escaping in the February of 2004 through three doors to get outside. For three days I look everywhere for him only to have him come bounding up to me ready to go back inside.
The fall of 2004 Harriet joined our household. She was always much more Emerson's kitten than Fremont's. I think she annoyed him with her constant need for attention. However, he would clean her and play with her at times.
Fremont's last days were a pretty sudden decline. It turns out he had a bad heart. The last trip to the vet, which I didn't know was the last trip, he tried to fight his way out of my arms to play in the snow. Then, on the car ride, he sat in my lap looking out the window purring. He was so happy to see what was going on and he kept trying to stick his face in mine which he always did when I was upset.
In other news, I am pretty much just writing on livejournal because it is just easier. There is a lot more than what you can see if you aren't my "friend". If you make an a friend me there, I'll friend you back.
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Condo Living - November 7, 2007
Most of the time I love my building. I like how it looks, I love my space, and I plan on spending many years here. Then I have board meeting. Yes, I am on the condo board and it makes me see the building in a very different light. I hear about problems I wouldn't normally notice. I have to deal with people that I live near in a way that I wouldn't normally want to deal with them. I also just find the whole process draining.
The meeting tonight brought something else to light having to do with water leaking into the unit below. I am not sure what is happening since I felt around while the water was on and I didn't feel anyplace that could be wet. When I went to talk to the person downstairs he didn't answer his door and I am unsure if he will call me back since I don't think he has ever done so before. I hate the feeling that I shouldn't take a bath or shower because it might be causing damage but I am not going to change that behavior until he actually calls me back.
The meeting tonight brought something else to light having to do with water leaking into the unit below. I am not sure what is happening since I felt around while the water was on and I didn't feel anyplace that could be wet. When I went to talk to the person downstairs he didn't answer his door and I am unsure if he will call me back since I don't think he has ever done so before. I hate the feeling that I shouldn't take a bath or shower because it might be causing damage but I am not going to change that behavior until he actually calls me back.
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Condo Plans - November 6, 2007
Today I have decide what my next project in my condo will be. I wanted to work on my living room and kitchen and patch them together better but I know that I don't want to do the work involved for that. I am saving up money to do it but I don't think I will have enough until the summer of 2009 and I figured that would be a good way to celebrate living here for 10 years.
So the next project will be my bathroom. I was thinking about redoing the tile but as I investigated it tonight I realized the tile is in pretty good shape, the grout just needs to be cleaned, repaired and resealed. There is the section of tile around the window that needs to be replaced but it doesn't match the current tile and I can put something pretty there. Maybe those cute glass tiles that are so much fun.
The rest of the bathroom should be pretty easy. I would have to strip the window frame and give it a really good painting since it is in the bath area. Replacing the towel holders should be a snap. The toliet is fine and I love the bathtub so I won't be doing anything with those. I already bought a new radiator, which I haven't gotten around to installing. That just leaves the hardest items.
The first hard thing will be stripping the wallpaper. Actually this isn't so hard, just I have done it so much I rather dislike doing it. I do have a steamer so it shouldn't take that much time other than the ceiling which is wallpapered for some reason. The other hard item will be finding a new vanity that I like that is the right size to cover where there isn't tile. Actually that will be the first thing I do because I wouldn't want to start it until I have something to put there.
I am actually getting excited about doing this. However, before I really get going, I am going to finish putting my office together. I just have the desk part to do.
So the next project will be my bathroom. I was thinking about redoing the tile but as I investigated it tonight I realized the tile is in pretty good shape, the grout just needs to be cleaned, repaired and resealed. There is the section of tile around the window that needs to be replaced but it doesn't match the current tile and I can put something pretty there. Maybe those cute glass tiles that are so much fun.
The rest of the bathroom should be pretty easy. I would have to strip the window frame and give it a really good painting since it is in the bath area. Replacing the towel holders should be a snap. The toliet is fine and I love the bathtub so I won't be doing anything with those. I already bought a new radiator, which I haven't gotten around to installing. That just leaves the hardest items.
The first hard thing will be stripping the wallpaper. Actually this isn't so hard, just I have done it so much I rather dislike doing it. I do have a steamer so it shouldn't take that much time other than the ceiling which is wallpapered for some reason. The other hard item will be finding a new vanity that I like that is the right size to cover where there isn't tile. Actually that will be the first thing I do because I wouldn't want to start it until I have something to put there.
I am actually getting excited about doing this. However, before I really get going, I am going to finish putting my office together. I just have the desk part to do.
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